The Secrets Of a Friendship

Heyo Guys!
                   Before I start this vent-y type blog post, I saw Civil War over the weekend and it was soooooo good! I'll probably do a review on it sooner or later because it was just amazing and since I'm doing A-Level Film I need to get into the habit of writing reviews.

Back to the actual subject of this blog, I've been having trouble with one of my friends. Firstly, I want to say that I'm keeping them completely anonymous-no nickname, pronouns, clue, nada- this friend could be an internet friend or just a friend at school. I won't get into a lot of detail about what has happened with us. This is because they could read this blog and say something about it as we're still friends and I wouldn't want anything to change between us.

So, me and this friend have been having complications. Not necessarily arguments or anything serious, just my attitude with them. We've never really been at a stage like this but for some reason we are now. I'm not even sure if they feel the same way. Basically, they've made me feel extremely worthless as they usually showed a lot of care towards me and its kind of stopped.

You might have been through this before, but when the person you think really cares for you, doesn't any more, what do you do? Personally I don't know, right now I'm just trying to drown out everything with revision as my exams are really close (because right now I'm doing sooooo much revision). Truth is, exams are just adding to the stress. My mum has also become ill as such, they've found a tumour next to her ovaries (it's highly likely not cancerous and only a fibroid, so it's not that serious) so that's not really helping either. I refuse for me to talk to them about it because I don't want to loose them, I feel distant enough already. I'm also one to avoid confrontation at all costs, i don't like arguing or even bringing anything negative up because I'll never let it go and over think. Oh the joys of anxiety.

You see, this is the secret everyone tries to hide when it comes to friendships. No matter how much you care about said friend or how close you both are, you will end up feeling like they're against you. It's something we cover up when romanticising friendships. We hide our real emotions from the people we tell everything to because in truth, we love them too much to cause confrontation. So, if you're going through this, it's ok to feel like this and it's ok to be pissed off with your friends sometimes. All I hope is that you're happy and that if your friendships are truly toxic and they deliberately hurt you most of the time, you cut your ties with them.

Anyway, what's your advice for this type of situation? Have you ever been in a position like this? If so, please tell me in the comments below!

Take care.

Little Old Me, logging off my Little Old World. Xxx

Future Plans

Heyo Guys!
                   I have something to tell you. This happened a while ago but I thought I might as well say it now. I applied for college. (dun dun DUUUN). It's kind of weird and a little scary for me because I always saw myself staying in six form and putting up with whatever options I think I'll do best in. To be honest I  thought you went to six form then college then university. Im stupid.

It was so weird thinking let alone going to a college in less then a year. It was kind of scary to think about growing up and actually moving closer to university and dreaded adulthood. If you're wondering here are the options I've chose (but can change if I really desire):
-BTEC Photography (obviously)
-BTEC Art
-BTEC Preforming Arts
-A-Level Film

The only problem is, I still don't know exactly what I want to do.  I'd love to be a film director (as shown by my options). But I am so scared of losing my intelligence. I love physics and would love to be an astrophysicist or at least an A-Level in it, but I hate maths and could never do it at such a high degree. Ugh so stressful.

So I think I'm sticking with my options, because the arts is what I love the most. If any of you want my advice when you're not sure what to do with your life, do what you love.

In other news, on Saturday the college invited a load of people my age to go to a restaurant and have a free meal with them. I went with Fandom and we both met this really lovely girl, so it was really cool to meet some new people. 

However, this lad I was really good friends with in primary school also attended this meal and came over to say hi. Being me, I nervous drink to keep myself occupied while they're talking about. So he asked me what school in going to and I was mid drink, sipping through my straw. The suddenly...

 I spit all over him 

I had my mouth a little open at the side (that's a really bad description) and the water went through my straw and shot out of the small gap in my lips; all over him. I was mortified. I instantly burst out laughing in pain, I wanted the universe to open a black hole under me. So, I stay with my head in my hands, half laughing and half crying, for like 2 minutes. 

Then to make matters worth he shouts at me. He repeats "Which school do you go to?!" and I try to speak but I'm still dying internally from spitting on him but manage to reply. Then he's leaves. He just walks of and sits even further across the restaurant from me. Real confidence boost, thanks mate. 

Anyway, what are your plans for the future, if you have any? What's your dream?

Take care. 

Little Old Me, logging off my Little Old World. Xxx