The C Word

Heyo Guys! 

                 Before I continue writing I want to stress this is not a happy post. This is probably the exact opposite and I want to put a trigger warning for terminal illnesses on this post. 

So, a couple weeks back you might have recalled that I said my mum was ill and that I wouldn't go into detail. But since then we found out some stuff. I don't want to beat around the bush so basically my mum has cancer. Stage 3 ovarian cancer, germ cell tumours. And she's starting chemo tomorrow.  

It's quite treatable and with enough strong chemo, the rumours will decrease or disappear in at least 4 months. But to be honest I don't know if the 'C' word I titled this post is cancer or chemotherapy. But I want to make this at least helpful in some way. So here's the stages you go through when someone you love gets diagnosed with cancer. 

1) They won't say what it is exactly:

Before the actual diagnosis, doctors will mess you about massively and you'll be told it's 12 other things before they sit down and tell you it's cancer. This isn't what happened everytime but often people speculate it's something else before they move onto the big things. 

2) It's cancer

The first thing that will come to you is "death". Cancer has a huge stigma which states that as soon as you get it you're dying. Luckily for me the process happened gradually so it didn't really hit me that hard. When you find out, you'll be in shock and you won't know what to say. 

3) You realise it's cancer 

This is one of the hardest parts. When it's hits you like a ton of bricks and you'll cry and you'll sob and you'll shake  at random times until you fully accept it. This normally happens the day after or maybe sooner or later. 

4) What the treatment will be 

In my case it's chemo. 5 days, every 3 weeks for at least the next 4 months. My mum will be on the drip but it can be done with tables or radiotherapy. Depending how strong it will be will depend how server the effects will be. My mum is going to loose all her hair and since the chemo is really strong, it will basically destroy her. Thinking about the side effects will tear you apart so please try not to dig yourself into a well you can't escape. 

That's as far as we've got. If someone you love has been diagnosed with cancer I suggest you think about it scientifically. When you find out how terrible chemo will be, know it will help dramatically. Cancer is just a thing, a dangerous thing granted, but you will learn to deal with it, even if it seems impossible at the start. 

I'll make sure to keep you updated every now and then on my Twitter and on here. 

Take care. 

Little Old Me, logging off my Little Old World. Xxx

Influence

Heyo Guys! 

                  Since I've last uploaded some stuff has happened: I've fished my exams (yay!) for now (less yay), moved up a year in school and had my room rearranged (the more you know). 

Apologies for not uploading in a while, with exams, a new year, revision and mental health stuff, it doesn't help. Plus my mum is ill, it's pretty serious but I won't go into detail. Let's keep this light hearted!

Between how busy I was and my free time and pondered on influence. It's such a funny thing and seems so important to us without us realising it. Influence surrounds us constantly, shaping our beings and personalities, creating our dreams and aspirations, directing us in life. Obviously, all the big things come from an influence, but what about the little things?

Recently I tried to start a bullet journal, which I kind of failed at but I'm determined to try again. Seeing people explain how helpful bullet journals are and seeing how organised my mum is influenced me to get organised myself. Another example is my fashion style, I've always worn black clothes. Black, light black, dark black, pitch black, mid black, void black. However, being influenced but youtubers and fashion icons, I realised I can keep my dark aesthetic while adding something other than black to my outfit. Therefore, I normally add hints of Browns, really dark reds, I even occasionally wear more varied monochrome instead of straight up black. Jeez, I only met my new physics teacher the other day and I've already been influenced to learn more about one of my favourite subjects. 

These are only theee of many, lately I've became so inspired with people and boy is it tiring trying to beat your lack of motivation. Even though happiness comes with a price, I'm trying my hardest to keep focused and try and achieve. I find when you really can't be arsed with anything or if you don't have motivation to do something then try and find an influence. Can't find the energy to finish that homework? Listen to inspirational speeches. Can't be bothered to practice that piece your music teacher gave you? Watch videos of famous musicians playing flawless music. Not motivated to get out of bed? Read an article about going out and seeing the world. 

It's only just properly came to me how important influential people effect me and what life would be like, what I would be like, if there was nothing to influence me. 

Take care. 

Little Old Me, logging off my Little Old World. Xxx

Small Words, Big Meanings

Heyo Guys! 

                 Recently, I've fallen in love with ChewingSand's Time Of The Month (not that time of the month) and on her 2016 April one she commented on how she found home in the place she's currently living in. I dwelled on this (typical me) and I realised how much we just words with massive meanings as if they were small. 

For example, much like Hazel said home means a lot to her. I noticed how often I call houses a home, but don't actually mean it. When I say home, I don't mean a house I mean the place where I feel happy and comfortable and not even notice it. It's the place where I can sing my heart out, cry and not feel vulnerable   or even do little things when I'm alone like pee with the door open (tmi?). However, I still use the term home as if it was the word house. 

It's the same with 'love', 'happiness and various other words we don't really think about the meaning like 'anxious'. Althought, the word "hate" doesn't apply to this and whenever I say it, there's is always a person to say "hate is a strong word" which I actually find really interesting. People's opinions normally seem to change when it turns to negative words, but yet we still use positive words without thinking of the meaning. Strange. 

I have no idea if this has psychology behind it but as I have it for one on my exam options next year, I hope we touch on this subject. 

Anyway, sorry for the small blog post, I have 3 massive exams coming up really soon so all I've been doing is revising but the thought was bugging me so I thought I'd ramble about it. 

So, do you think the same? What's your definition of love, home or even hate? Tell me in the comments below!

Take care. 

Little Old Me, logging off my Little Old World. Xxx